On Love and Cheaters

Compiling some different things I’ve heard and seen, this is my take on the whole cheating issue.

If a man settles for something because he gave up on his ideal, then he’ll more likely succumb to temptation. Because he got into the habit of thinking, “I could have something much better”. It’s not a state of mind designed to generate happiness. And resentment usually gets produced over time, even if the man doesn’t know it. He’ll always be thinking “I had to settle for her, when I could have… (a woman comes around) her”.

This is basically a man who has given up on his own dreams and ideals. He has become, if not corrupt, at least the prerequisite state for it. There’s also spoiled rich boys who have inflated sense of entitlement. So they’re always thinking that there’s somebody better for them then what they got. An internal dissatisfaction that really comes from their own insecurity and spoiled brattishness. Can’t really cure that just by going for another woman.

Then there’s the fact that love blinds people and often makes them slavish devotees who forgot that they are part of the mammal class that actually have spines. If they stick themselves to their SO all the time, they don’t have a life. That eventually starts making people miserable and thus temptation would call in. The other side of the coin is when a person is not devoted enough and keeps thinking that “freedom” means they are free to do anything they want, regardless of the wishes of the other person in the relationship. Then you have temptation calling because there’s no bond going on. Too strong of a bond, too weak of a bond, it seems to end up the same way one way or another. Dissatisfaction. Which leads to accepting temptations. People always think the grass is greener on the other side, but only because they have an internal doubt and wish they aren’t doing jack to fulfill. Obviously things would look better if they could get it, but they’re making no progress so they start fantasizing. Natural instinct for human imaginations that allowed us to create fire, tame animals, and become the dominant predator on this planet. Somebody “imagined” a solution to a problem they couldn’t solve and it worked.

There’s also the curious matter of innate human weakness and evil. Meaning, some people are just so weak they’re going to cheap anyways, regardless of whether their man or woman is good or not. Just how it is. If you can’t completely eradicate that population, then all you can do is to avoid falling into association with such people. But a lot of people don’t have the social or street smarts to recognize “evil” or “bad” when they see it. And public education is no good for “educating” people on this matter. Never was intended to, for that matter. Just look at how many people fall for cons. Why would someone believe a complete stranger, as opposed to say… their lover? Doesn’t public education education people on how to avoid the “bad”?

Even criminal psychologists, who supposedly invest their life career into the matter of understanding the criminal mind, why people kill, cheat, skill, and so forth, don’t truly grasp the issue in terms of applicable solutions. If they do, their knowledge and expertise becomes an esoteric topic not available to the general public. And thus not adopted by the popular league.

This can be framed in the same sense of Grim’s Mumbai attack scenarios here in America. What is the solution to this temptation, this desire, this vulnerability. Centralized solution sets like TSA or armed military martial law patrols? Or de-centralized solution sets like arming half the citizens in any particular area such that they can successfully resist or deter such attacks?

When it comes down to it, people make decisions on who to love and how they act, based upon their own personal viewpoint. There’s no solution to it, other than to get people to make better decisions. But there are generally two schools on this matter. You can force them do so using RULES and LAWS and centralized authority, even societal pressure which is the same thing. Or you can get them to decide, on their own, due to their own growth, maturity, and thinking (yes, thinking. Some people don’t actually think for themselves, as surprising as that may be to some).

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5 Comments on “On Love and Cheaters”

  1. Vakker Says:

    Hi, I saw you blog on google. I would like to address your topic here. A few months ago, I met a man who told me he was divorced. He joked about being “happily divorced”. After talking to him over time, the red flags started going up.

    I think he is married. Is he a bad person? I thought about that long and hard. I came to the conclusion that he is not. He is stationed away form home. I figure that he wants the same things other men want, but he is stationed away from home.

    I don’t like that he tried to deceive me, but I don’t think bad about him. Even though I don’t talk to him anymore, I still care about him as a person.

    I signed up to send care packages and wite letters. I was given a man’s name. His first email to me, we hit it off really well. He told me his wife was cheating on him, and he was planning on getting a divorce when he got home. After a few months of daily emails, I figured out that maybe it was not his wife trying to cheat.

    We spent most of his deployment being close emailing each other every day, until I figured things out. It was not intentional that we got close, it just happened. I think people can get emotionally close to others, that maybe they should not.

    After figuring out that a number of men calling me and asking me out are married, I have just accepted it. That maybe that is just how life is. I don’t know, I don’t have the answer to that. All I know, is that sometimes people do get close in life, even though in our day, they should not.

    Sometimes, people disappoint and are not how one expected. It is just life, I think. Does it make a person a bad person? I don’t think so, just different.

  2. Ymarsakar Says:

    It’s an issue with personal boundaries.

    People have different limits to their boundaries. Thus what results in one person falling into a problematic issue, doesn’t affect another person that put a limiter on such things.

  3. Vakker Says:

    I know, that is what I did with those men mentioned above. They did not pass the honesty portion of the program.

  4. Vakker Says:

    From empirical observation, in my case when dealing with men, the grass is greener on my side of the fence. 🙂

  5. Vakker Says:

    Actually, I just looked up the word, empirical, to make sure I got the right word.

    I should have said, from real world observation, in my case, the grass is greener on my side of the fence.


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